Calling Lauren, Are you there?

I wonder sometimes if she still lives in that brick house on the corner with the underground pool we were always too afraid to go in farther than our feet. I wonder if she remembers the time I told her a joke and milk came out of her nose. I remember her laughter but not the joke, maybe it wasn’t even that funny, but maybe she just laughed because we understood each other. I wonder if she remembers the innocence we felt on that day when she said we would be best friends forever. When she said we would call each other everyday and have sleepovers ever weekend. Why didn’t she ever call? Why didn’t I ever call? Why was the last time I saw her nine years and three months ago? Was I too naive to understand that would be the last time we would see each other? Am I still too naive to understand that I am at fault for losing my best friend?
We pulled up in our big, yellow submarine almost four hours later than when we departed from headquarters to our final mission location. Well, okay so maybe I made that up. Maybe it was a big, yellow school bus and maybe it was from my second grade school; and, well, maybe it was the zoo we ended up at. Who cares anyway? Nothing mattered to me I was young and with my best friends in the whole entire world or rather the whole entire universe which stretches from, hold on, “My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas,” Mercury to Pluto. I’m not sure but that is a really, really big space. Okay so where was I? Ohh! I was telling you about my trip to the zoo, but not just any zoo, Space Farms. This trip would be the last one I would ever go on with my school because my family was going to move right after this final journey. Ironically the zoo is located in the town we would call our new home. I never worried about leaving my friends behind because we would still see each other everyday, right? Okay so now that’s out of the way let me get to the heart of the story.
We pulled up in our big, yellow school bus almost one whole hour later from when we departed from the school. Everyone started to pile off the bus in a somewhat orderly fashion as we were instructed by Sister Joan. I don’t remember what hit me first, the smell or how big the place seemed to someone only four feet and half tall, give or take. I gave myself a twirl around to get a glimpse at everything there was to see, to absorb my surroundings. My attention was drawn to something shiny guarding the gate to get in; a silver lion rested outside the building. I hoped we would be able to see something that cool.
“Now everyone get into your buddy groups and we shall proceed into the zoo.” Sister Joan pronounced over all the jittery children all dressed in blue shorts and blue shirts proclaiming where we were from, “St. Leos School.”
I was already in my group, my friend Selene was standing to my left and my best friend Lauren was on my right. Selene had dark hair, and the darkest eyes I’d ever seen. She had darker skin than I did and was of Indian descent, I think. Although she seemed quiet in person, when we got together there was no telling what would happen. We had just become friends that year and had already shared so many laughs. Lauren had yellow hair, deep blue eyes, and big teeth that protruded every time she smiled. I thought it made her look like a walrus. We had known each other since kindergarten. Every weekend it seemed we would be at one of our houses laughing, enjoying a good old game of hide and seek, or playing with our Easy Bake Ovens. I still have my oven. It rests comfortably, undisturbed in the attic above my head. I found it one day and it still smelled like chocolate cake. It took me back, back to time when things where so much simpler, when boys had cooties, when friends always listened, when recess was short and worries were few, when your clothes didn’t need to match, when decisions where made using eeny meanie miny moe, when goodbye meant only till tomorrow, when the night light in our room quieted all our fears. I want to feel innocent again. I want my best friend back who made everything seem easy.
Everyone followed in a straight line behind Sister Joan as she stopped by a booth positioned on the side of the building and exchanged some kind of papers to the old lady situated behind a sheet of glass. She reminded me of my grandmother with all the lines she had on her face. I snickered under my breath when we walked past her.
Once we were in the true part of the zoo I could really sense how big it was. It just seemed to go on forever and ever. I hoped this day would never end. With the glaring sun beating down on our little heads, Sister Joan divided all the buddy groups into four different larger groups, each with a different advisor.
We followed our leader past cages filled with animals and finally stopped on one that had two big tigers resting on a concrete slab. They seemed huge in comparison to the eight bodies staring back at them.
“Rarrr!” I made a clawing gesture towards Selene who was staring at the cage intently. I guess she didn’t see it coming because she screamed. Not the kind of scream when you see a spider and not the kind of scream when you see one of those really scary movies, but something kind of in the middle. I guess I didn’t anticipate her screaming, either, because I let something out too. A little something, I didn’t want to show how really off guard she caught me. And, well, I guess the tigers didn’t expect it either and all of a sudden they got up and started to circle their cages. All three of us became wide-eyed and ran back towards a patch of grass. We when got there, we were all out of breathe, but that didn’t stop us from laughing our faces off. They were never going to hurt us, I mean there were steel bars separating our world from theirs.
“Did you see your face?” Lauren asked Selene. She couldn’t answer because she was laughing too hard to even hear what she said. After we caught our breathes, we ran up with our group who was already looking at black bears. From there we went on to see turkeys, goats, a kangaroo, buffalos, and then we stopped to look at the deer.
“Ohh, look how cute the deers are.” Selene proclaimed as we got up closer. Two deer came up the fence. Brown fur engulfed their entire bodies, however some white peeked out under their bellies and on their tails. They looked at us intently through the bars on the cage, four eyes staring at six. I thought we were playing a game; I was waiting to see who was going to blink first. They never blinked. They just stared at us through the fence, not moving the slightest. They didn’t have to move to tell their story, their eyes said enough. I was too young to understand what I witnessed in their eyes that day, the sadness, the pain, the loss of innocence. A year prior they were probably out in the woods, running around freely. Now what were they subject to? A 15 by 15 cell with a slab of cold concrete to sleep on. I heard the crunching of leaves behind the deer and saw a third one pull in beside them. It was now six on six. Something was different about this one. The place where his antlers should have been was replaced by big pools of bright, red blood. That image has been permanently burned into my memory. I cannot look at a deer without seeing that poor one back in the zoo, so sad and in so much pain. I didn’t comprehend it so in my immaturity I had only one thing to say, “Ewwww, that’s so gross.” And then we walked away without any remorse.
After our encounter with the deer we decided to take a break for lunch. We picked a nice spot underneath a large tree that offered shade from the blaring sun. As I was about to take a bite of my PB and J sandwich, a light breeze came through where we were sitting. With the wind, came Lauren’s voice, “We’re going to call each other everyday, right?”
I had to think about what she was talking about. I don’t know if I didn’t want to face the facts or I had no concept of what was about to happen. “Of course we are. What are best friends for?”
“We should have sleepovers every weekend. You know we should just keep it like old times. Nothing should have to change just because you’re moving.”
“I agree. I mean if we didn’t have school it we would totally see each other like everyday.”
“Yeah, totally.” I could sense something was, in my naive little ways, wrong. There was some hesitation in her voice. She was getting me worried. We would call each other everyday wouldn’t we? And every weekend a sleepover just like she promised? Deep down I knew everything was going to be alright, it always was. She made it that way. She was nurturing and caring, the best person I had ever met.
“How about a picture of the three of you?” Sister Joan said behind us. She caught me by surprise in my deep train of adolescent thought.
We all got up and posed for the picture. I put my arms around their shoulders; the piece of lemon licorice in my mouth tinged as the flash went off and caused temporary blindness. That’s all I remember. I don’t remember what happened after that. I don’t remember if we saw anymore animals or even happened on the bus ride home. I don’t remember even saying goodbye; although I’m sure it was heartfelt and involved some Kleenex. Or did I even say goodbye because I didn’t want to face the facts or I thought I would still see her, because goodbye is such a vague word. Goodbye for now, goodbye until we see each other again, goodbye until we call each other, goodbye forever.
The next day was moving day. It was cold and rainy for a June day. I remember the moving trucks pulling up, and loading our lives into the back. I should have called her to reassure her of our promises, to make sure she knew what the plan was. I wonder if she even remembers me now and the last time we saw each other. If she ever came across those bracelets we made in first grade that said “best frendz,” would she think of me and our purity in misspelling friends? I wonder if I bumped into her on the streets, if she would even recognize me. I don’t think I would recognize her, I mean nine years and three months is a long time. I don’t look the same. What does she even look like now? Is her hair short, maybe she dyed it? Did she ever grow into her adult teeth? Was she even able to move on after our departure or did she wait by the phone in hopes that I’d call. Why didn’t I ever call? Why didn’t she ever call? We both broke our false promises.